Holidays are a time for celebration, but if you have ever been with someone who hates the holidays, then you know how stressful they can be. Whether they think the holidays are too commercialized or they’re anxiety makes it difficult to be around people, your partner might not feel like celebrating any of them. You want to make sure that your relationship doesn’t suffer by this difference of opinion. So, if your partner hates the holidays, here are some things to try.
“Talk about it.”
If your partner is resistant to the idea of celebrating, it might be because they’ve never had a good experience. Maybe their family didn’t celebrate holidays, or maybe they were raised in a religion that doesn’t have holidays as part of its tradition.
If this is the case, talk about it! If you’re open and honest about your feelings, chances are good that your partner will reciprocate by being willing to listen to what you have to say as well. They may even want some advice on how they can make their own holiday traditions better! .
“Get proactive about it.”
The first step to making the holidays better for everyone is developing a plan that both you and your partner can agree on.
Make a list of what you want out of the season, and compare it with your partner’s list. Which things are non-negotiable? What does each person value most about the holidays? Are there any traditions that really matter to either one or both of you, like decorating or baking cookies together or going to church on Christmas Eve?
“Decide what’s most important to you.”
If your partner hates the holidays, it’s important to remember that this is their experience and you can’t control it. But as a couple, you can decide what’s most important to each of you.
You might want to talk about what is most important to each of you and then try to find a compromise in the middle. For example: if one person wants Christmas lights on their house year-round and another doesn’t want any decorations at all, perhaps they could agree on some sort of compromise like having just one string of lights up during December (and taking them down right after).
The same goes for traditions or activities; maybe there are ones that are really important to one person but not so much another–so instead of fighting over them every year, why not try something new? Or maybe there are other holiday activities that both partners enjoy doing together (like baking cookies) which would be fun alternatives if arguing over whether or not we should celebrate Christmas becomes too much.
“Make a plan for celebrating together.
If your partner is sick of the holidays, it’s important to make sure that you have time together. You can’t celebrate with other people if you’re not together!
To make sure you have time for each other during the holidays, decide on a plan for celebrating together. How much time do you want to spend on celebrating? Do anything from going out for dinner and seeing a movie (or even just ordering takeout) all the way up through hosting a big party where everyone dresses up in their favorite holiday costumes and eats too much food.
If this sounds like something that would work for both of your schedules–and if neither one of them will be gone somewhere else during this time–then go ahead and put some plans in motion!
“Keep it simple and low-key.”
If your partner hates the holidays, it’s best not to force it. Instead, focus on what you can do together as a couple–even if that’s just sharing a quiet evening at home with Netflix (or whatever else floats your boat). Be flexible and don’t take it personally if something doesn’t go according to plan.
For example, instead of going out for an expensive dinner on New Year’s Eve, why not make reservations for brunch? Or maybe instead of taking a weekend trip somewhere far away during winter break from school or work, spend some quality time together at home by watching movies and baking cookies instead? If all else fails: just remember that every holiday has its upsides!
If your partner is not a fan of the holidays, it can be tough to see past that and enjoy the time together. But if you can find a way to compromise and make it work for both of you, then it will be worth it in the end. Take some time to talk about what’s important to each person, and then make plans from there.
To learn more about working through conflict read this article.
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